


Waking Dream

by angelheadedhipster, FlameBlownWhiter, nitpickyabouttrains



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: After new caprica, Angst, F/M, Fighting, I'm so sorry this isn't better, Mention of the Leoben Situation, Pre-unfinished business, but can never get it the frak together, can't live without the other, frak ups, sad angry people, two stupid people, who love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-06
Updated: 2013-09-06
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:54:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelheadedhipster/pseuds/angelheadedhipster, https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlameBlownWhiter/pseuds/FlameBlownWhiter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitpickyabouttrains/pseuds/nitpickyabouttrains
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post New Caprica, pre "Unfinished Business." Lee and Kara have not talked since she returned, until Lee sees her having a nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Viper3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viper3/gifts).



> Happy birthday, darling! Our first BSG ever. We hope you like it!

She tossed and turned in her bunk, asleep but not resting, too much on her mind. Starbuck buried her head farther into her pillow as she dreamed.

_Alone in her viper, just herself and the stars, that is how Kara likes it. She is not often at peace, not often content and happy. But behind the controls of her own rig, that is where she thrives. It isn’t calm, not exactly. It is the fight, the battle, the single purpose. War. She knows what she needs to do and she is good at it. She is the best._

_Right now is one of those times. There is nothing outside of her windshield, just the dark night, the sky, the endless space. In the far off distance, the pinpoint glimmer of stars twinkle, the lights of suns and systems elsewhere._

_But in Kara’s viper there is only silence. She can feel her heartbeat racing. It is not a calm silence, it is tense, thick and palpable. Nothing has happened yet, but she can feel that it is close. She knows that danger must be near and this makes her sit up straighter, tighten her grip on the throttle, be on alert. Without realizing it, a small smile begins to form in the corner of her mouth._

_There is another ship near her, hovering by her wing, at her 4. Not a cylon fighter, another viper. It only takes a few quick turns for her to know who it is. The only other pilot would could ever match her, who could fly so smoothly with her, without a word or a thought. Lee._

_“How’s the view, Apollo?” Starbuck asks._

_There is a crackling of static over the com, but no answer. Someone has heard her, there is someone on the other side of the radio, but it is not clear who._

_“Say again,” Starbuck says, her voice forceful and firm, “I do not copy.”_

_The com humms again in her ear, the unclear buzz of someone holding down the speak button too close to a receiver. And then, amid the static, a voice. A small and scared voice, near tears. “Mama?” comes the cry. Then it cuts out, just as suddenly as it had started. Silence again. Oppressive this time because of what it is missing._

_“CASEY,” Kara cannot help but yell. She looks around frantically, but it is no use, of course it is not. There is nothing there, no other ships, other than the viper on her tail. Her daughter._

_Kara feels suddenly very alone. The solitude of being a viper pilot, which normally she loves, feels like it is baring in on her now. So she hits her com again. “Lee,” she uses his real name this time. There is urgency in her voice, she knows it, maybe even panic. “Lee, are you with me?”_

_There is the click of the radio, and the loud and clear voice of Lee Adama fills her ears. It is reassuring until she understands the words he is saying. “Who is in viper 3?” he demands to know._

_She wants to cry out, she wants to yell. Because even though Lee is there, close to her, working with her, he does not see her. He does not know her. He does not understand. Lee maybe there, but Kara is still alone._

_Kara is always alone._

In her sleep, Kara let out a low and sad groan.

+++

It was getting to be as familiar as sleeping, his walks around the ship. Lee Adama doesn’t sleep much anymore; he hadn’t in weeks, months, he couldn’t remember. He would lie down next to his wife and he would stare at the ceiling until he couldn’t any longer, and then he would get up, and walk around the ship.

The Galactica was an old ship, and she was getting older. Things like coats of paint and lighting fixtures had fallen by the wayside when they were constantly fighting for their lives. Her flaws and shabbiness made her more endearing to him, though. This was home, the last home in the universe.

Walking around in the middle of the night made him feel...well, not happy, but useful. At peace. Calmer. The duty officers knew him now, nodded at him as he went by . At first he had pretended he was doing spot inspections, or rounds for some purpose, but he’d given up. He was just walking for the sake of walking, and he knew it.

He passed the rec room, the mess hall, the enlisted quarters. As he neared the senior pilots’ quarters he started arguing with himself, just like he did every night. _No, it’s invasive. No, they are fine. - You mean_ she _is fine. She is fine, too. No, you shouldn’t._

And then he opened the door, just like he did every night.

As soon the door cracked open, he heard something. The sound of skin on sheets, and a guttural sound, like a groan. Was someone...no, there was a moan now, and it wasn’t a moan of pleasure but of pain. Of Kara in pain.

He was at her bunk before he was even aware of moving, shaking her, clutching her wrist so hard he knew she’d have bruises. Kara’s skin was clammy and cold and she lashed out at him in her sleep, her arms wild and flailing.

“Kara, Kara!” he whispered, trying not to wake the rest of the pilots, urgency making his voice a hiss. “Starbuck!”

Her eyes flew open, the whites shining in the darkness around them. She was panting, and he could feel the pulse in her wrist racing.

She looked at him blankly, and their faces were so close in the dark that he could see the confusion in her eyes as her mind relaxed, woke up, left whatever terror was in her mind and returned to her bunk, the dark, his eyes on her.

For just a second, he saw something that looked like relief. Something that could almost be a smile curled at the corner of her lips as she recognized him.

And then he watched the wall slam down, and she was tough Starbuck again, take no shit and doesn't give a frak if you like it Starbuck, badder and tougher and more heartless than anyone else in the fleet.

And the wall slammed down in his head, too, as everything came rushing back, all the crap she’d pulled and all the ways she’d ruined things, all the lies she told and everything she’d done to hurt him. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to be sitting on her bunk, didn’t want to be the one saving her. Again.

“Let go of my hand, Apollo,” she said, her voice low and dangerous.

+++

Kara woke up and for a moment, a glorious moment, it was like she hadn’t left the dream. Lee had found her, he remembered her and everything would be alright - except this was reality - and reality was a stone cold bitch.

The familiar pangs of pain, guilt and anger wormed their way back into Kara’s consciousness and grabbed hold. Their talons pierced her heart as she began her daily ritual of slowly bleeding out. It was with her mask firmly in place, the one that shut out the rest of the world, that she could feel Lee’s hand on hers. It was tight, almost painfully so, his hand was both the most soothing balm and the hottest hellfire - she couldn’t stand it.

“Let go of my hand, Apollo.” Not Lee, Apollo. Because Apollo was here, not Lee. Lee hadn’t spoken to her in over a year. Apollo’s hand flew from hers and over his head like a bird released from capitvity. He ducked out of her bunk and into the common area of the sleeping quarters with a face that practically screamed his disapproval.

“What, running away, Apollo? Afraid your wife will find you out and about with the likes of me.” She threw her head through the curtains of her rack, detangling from her bedclothes to follow him. She made enough noise in her hurry to wake up half the bunk, but she couldn’t be bothered to care. When he turned to her he was furious; sometimes, she thought to herself, she really did need to learn when to shut the frak up.

“Don’t you talk about her!” His boots were heavy on the metal grate as he approached, his finger pointed accusingly between her eyes. “Don’t you dare!”

Kara couldn’t help it - she laughed. She threw her head back and laughed, full and bright and broken. It was fraking hysterical - Lee, defending his poor dear wife’s honor - to the woman he was going to leave her for. It was like a fracking tragedy, except she was the one left alone at the end with the vial of poison. She couldn’t be with Sam, Lee wouldn’t have her - Leoben had ruined her and this was the result.

Well, frak that. Starbuck doesn’t go down that easy. “And why not, Lee? Hmm?” She walked towards him, pushing his finger away. “Why not.”

For a moment they were silent. Kara could hear Hotdog turn in his bunk, moving his pillow over his, before finally resting. The moment seemed to go on for hours. The muscle along the ridge of his cheekbone, at first pulsing with anger, relaxed into something more contemplative.

Kara could see it in Lee’s face, in the way his eyes rested on hers, that he knew he should turn tail and run. They aren’t even arguing about anything this time, they are just clawing at each other, in hopes that it prolongs their time together. Lee Adama, ladies and gentleman, he never knows when to bow out.

“Frak you, Kara.” Lee leaned in, to say it quietly, but it resonated along the metal walls anyway. It didn’t matter, it’s just another scratch.

“Tried that once, didn’t take.” Kara could hear Kat whistle softly to herself, unable to keep quiet. A few of the other bunks laughed in chorus - all it did was egg Kara on - she always loved an audience. Apollo, on the other hand, was suddenly looking for an exit, or a mallet to throw at her big fraking mouth, she wasn’t sure. “Is that why you are here? Looking for a second go?” Lights started to turn on in the bunks around them, people were chuckling and Starbuck felt drunk. It was nice to air out some of her garbage, even if of all her shit this was the most benign. “I have to say - there is a bit of a waiting list but I may be able to fit you in --”

She never got to finish her taunt as Apollo body checked her into the ladder next to her rack. The metal sank into her spine and for a miraculous second the white hot pain was all there was - and then there was Lee. He was in her face, his hand banged the metal on either side of her, and it caused her whole body to shake. She breathed in his air, sweet and warm from his mouth, and willed herself to open her eyes.

It took a moment, but the clear blue of Lee Adama’s eyes came sharply into focus. There was a half of a breathe where she was uncertain of what Lee might do; but he did what she wouldn’t have, the right thing, and backed off.

“Lights off, show’s over,” he said to the rest of the pilots, before turning to her. “Back to your rack, Captain.”

He turned to leave and, not looking back, shut the large metal door behind him.

“Aye aye, Major.” Nothing answered her but the metallic echo of her own voice and the rustle of unstill sheets.


End file.
